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QJ investigates! Proposed Wii Channels that never saw the light of day? |
Listed in: Wii Tags: Mii, Nintendo
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I was digging through the shredded documents of Nintendo Corp one day and came across some certain Wii Channels the apparently got scrapped upon further deliberation (actually, I was just bored in a coffee shop, and my imagination got ahead of me; hence this article).
Yes, today, O QJ Blogosphere, we're going to reveal those Wii Channels that never made the cut - and with good reason! We warn you: Some items in this list are not for the faint of heart, and if you're viewing this entry from work, you might want to click Minimize right away, before you brain suddenly turns itself into pure mush. And we kid you not, too! This isn't some April Fools' article. This is the real deal. *lies through teeth*
On with the Wii Channels, shall we?
QWii Eye for the Mii Guy Channel
Folks line up to send their Mii avatars in for a complete virtual make-over done by none other than the Fab 5 of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy": Carson, Kyan, Jai, Thom, and Ted. You can sign up your Mii and they will give it some spa treatment for a day, change its wardrobe, and give it some lifestyle tips, among other things.
Y'know, this would have really been a nice idea and be something that would actually work. However, the first Mii that signed up for the service was a certain "Michael Jackson" avatar, and upon hearing about it, the Fab 5 pulled out. It's been over heard that they were mumbling something about "getting insulted" and "needing a miracle" as they walked off the Nintendo HQ. Gee, wonder what that was all about...QWii Eye for the Mii Guy Channel - SCRAPPED! (and I was sooo looking forward to it already)
Wii Accidents Channel
Dubbed as the "Wii Happens" channel, this is where people report to Nintendo the various accidents that they've found themselves in while playing the Wii. Y'know: from people reporting how they got a black eye to other matters which involve a cat, some broken shards of glass, and, say, a banana (use your imagination).
This channel is not limited to reporting injuries, as it also has a service wherein people can upload and share videos where they make utter fools of themselves and get seriously hurt in the process (with a chance to win some "Vid of the Week" fame). The kind of stuff they reveal in those "Extreme Bloopers Caught on Tape" shows. Makes for interesting schadenfreude entertainment, but then there's already reality TV for that. The market is already over-saturated with people exposing themselves to inhumane conditions for a prize.
Wii Accidents channel - SCRAPPED!
DarWiin Awards Channel
Since the "Wii Happens" got scrapped, they decided to create something more positive. Nintendo wanted a place where they could award gamers for the pain they go through when incurring some Wii injuries, and thus the DarWiin Awards Channel was born, as inspired by what it was named after, the Darwin Awards.
For those who do not know, the Darwin Awards are given to those people who save the entire human race by doing everyone the honor of preventing their unwanted genes to pass on to the next generation.
Since this required rather... extreme conditions to be qualified for an award, the idea was taken right off the list as Nintendo didn't want to promote artificial evolution of the human race.
DarWiin Awards Channel - SCRAPPED!
K-Fed 24/7 Channel
One week, you find Kevin Federline with a girlfriend. The next week, he has a fight in a club. The day after, he's got a show on Jay Leno. The following month, he's at Wrestlemania. A few weeks later, he's hooked up with a boyfriend... How can our secretaries and high school fan girls ever keep up with the latest news on Mr. Federline?
K-Fed Channel is a 24/7 news service solely dedicated to the singer/actor/dancer/wrestler/model/etc. With his ever-changing career (not to mention partners), Nintendo thought it'd do justice to Wii-owners to allow them to have a minute-by-minute peek into the said celebrity's life.A few weeks after proposing this channel though, Nintendo got a note from a certain ace attorney who's threatening to file a lawsuit against them for rendering service that could prove to be nothing but "a nuisance to the public."
K-Fed Channel - SCRAPPED!
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Didn't see these coming huh? Well, there doesn't seem to be any confirmation whether they've been scrapped for good or maybe just postponed. But hey, for once, I do agree with the ace attorney. If a 24-hours Kevin Federline news channel on the Wii (or on TV, for that matter) would happen, then by god!, hell has frozen over.
Have you guys been sniffing through Nintendo's "scrapped ideas" pile? If you have, then comment away. We want to see the craziest ideas you have.
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im not anti-QJ but geeze guys, that was really lame
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I could write about the time I had a ***** and when I bought a loaf of bread...would be more interesting than this rubbish!
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I'm assuming this was supposed to be funny somehow... nice try, pitch the idea to FOX, they'll probably give you your own sitcom about it (but you'll need a doctor, policeman or lawyer)...
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